If only had a brain

If only had a brain When people ask me if my dog is a mutt, I tell them, 'No,? His moron. King Louie is nine years, twelve books toy poodle who has the intelligence of rock salt. The day we brought home, the husband and I decided to call it Zippy, but within hours, we realized that the name him.On not respond to his first day of obedience class, l 'I instructor informed that it was untrainable Louie. E 'was only after he pulled most of his hair and called before him a Jello-O and the brain of the building sobbing. Louie not only failed the class, has been nicknamed the dog irascible dishonorably discharged.We King Louie, not because of his behavior or his royal majestic appearance. He holds the title due to his arrogant ways. Le petit prince devil rules our house with an iron paw. It demands absolute respect for their human subjects. Louie changes in ball of fur beast in 3.5 milliseconds when someone is trying to usurp his power. Snarl is violently to those who have the courage to leave his castle throne.Besides be a "freak" with a brain the size of a Rice Krispy, King Louie is a loner. He hates visitors in decline? or customers of this problem. Perhaps your bad mood is the result of the painful disease. Or is it? S for not having enough fiber in their diet. For whatever reason, small teeth to discourage intruders from Baring Shrunken tyrant and his gums obscenities.Though Grunts field covers forty wooded acres, the king did not wander far from home. In fact, he does not care to go outside at all, especially in stock. And he wanted to venture into the rain. It takes three sumo wrestlers to the strength of this dwarf of a dog at the door during inclement weather. Being a passive-aggressive dog, Louie is the same from retaliation porch.Louie pursue his own brand of fact - many in fact - and not the world, but in our house. Sure, you can wander freely around the 3000 square foot two-storey home, where you feel the urge to vomit or have uncontrolled access to explosive diarrhea, head directly to oriental rugs. If you did, facing the door until it retus a. Once inside, he resumed where it stopped spurting and take something from one end or the other. Louie the dog faithfully obeys the code of ethics, which lists the number one rule, do not regurgitate outside.The mangey monarch monopolises my bed and groaned at the door of the bathroom when I? M in the bath. He jumps on my laptop when I? M typing, and he looks at me when I go to the bathroom. He clings to me like a hair on a grilled cheese sandwich.Louie? S is my favorite of the ankle bone. After nine years of intensive training, you? T does not yet leaed to sit. In reality, he knows just getting up. However, there is a small number of voice commands. For example, when I say "come", just goes in the opposite direction. When I say? Stay? Jumps and attaches a leech on my thigh. When I have for him to "heel", he gnaws on my shoes. When you run after cars, and I cry? No? steps are immediately at their own pace. I can get to choose. The stick is just? S is interested in bread stick, and the only bullets he? Ll hunt meatballs.I think the problem is that Louie doesn? T understand English. Poodles come from France, I tried to speak French. Who knew that n? T bilingual? I said? Yes? and did just that! So now I? M, taking courses in French so I can communicate with him in his mother tongue.   This high strung greyhound tus his nose royal milk bone dog biscuits, and Chow, preferring chips, cherries jubilee, and linguine with clam sauce. This is something we have in common. In fact, we? Re like many consumers Relishes department.Neither us what is nutritious, and it is from time to time we eat? I am sick. I, however, do not ingest food or run twice my weight? in bed. I obstinately or plant under the dining table, while whining, yipping and drooling all over the meal. I also refuse to ingest food of paper, no matter how they smell beautiful, and I would never curl over and under-clothing sales bite on my husband? Feet.Recently s, its Peskiness we have for a long car trip. A very long jouey. At least it seems to last forever. This should be a relaxing holiday? Louie has refused to sit in the car, but for my knee. During the jouey of six hours, he occupied himself by jumping in my face, licking my face and breathe in the face. He also complainant non-stop, except during a break or two times and lick windows.Riding by car is one of Louie? S hobby. Or at least with limited enthusiasm by car, in preparation for the race. He firmly believes that should accompany us everywhere. After all, you never know when you may need a little 'demon dog and Pant bark violently to any law, while the ear? Walk S on your chest when you love the speed expressway.The Louie only thing better than the car is released. Once you leave the road, and the pitiful whining begins? T stop the machine until the door opens, allowing the escape.You can always tell when Louie was in the car. The windows are covered with dog saliva and the vehicle smells moldy swamp a combination of water, an old bowling shoe, and a trip toilet.Besides saved, the other enjoys coding are Louie's territory of new fuiture was added to our house, sitting in the middle of a room full of company and licking, barking constantly invisible monsters; violently charge the poor UPS man; hens emitting odors, and ignoring everything spoken by his master, with the exception of " treatment "and" Yumm. "A bomb in the hand is more intelligent Crazy Louie (aka nuts) and respecting the autonomy of fruit would be offended to be compared to him. The runt of the possibility it? S cute. If not the ears and helpless, innocent eyes, he would never have survived this long.The only reason why we experienced the "Doofus" for nine years,? Re normal family, certainly not tolerate that his shameful behavior. We pity him, because he is brain damaged and bad behavior. We believe it? Inner puppy? May have been traumatized early in life, the false declaration of his personality and his brain, apple psychopaths. We spoil him rotten, so have mercy on him. That? Better treatment than most of the children, and nothing is expected of him. It does not even take the garbage.I? I tried several times to give Louie far, but at the last minute, I always come back because of guilt. I just know that any other owner would surely abuse, why would they drive crazy. When? Once again he tried to get rid of him, we always review what we think of the new owner could do when the little creep does not bite the hand that feeds us, but a loss of their laundry, eat your sub - clothing and for his Barfs pillow.So us? Louie kept all these years, not because I love. . . only to protect the entrance to doggie heaven. Although, if there is a place, I seriously doubt that would be allowed in.Marsha Jordan Louie   Author of "Hugs, Hope, and Peanut Butter"   Hugsandhope@gmail.com